Parashat Vayishlach – Flattery of the Wicked

A guten Shabbos!

Is it permitted to flatter a wicked person in a situation of danger?

And how was it permitted for Yaakov to flatter Esav and tell him that seeing his face is “like seeing the face of God,” when it is forbidden to flatter a wicked person? 


Explanation of the question:
In our parasha it is stated (Bereishit 33:10) that when Yaakov met Esav his brother, he said to him: “וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב אַל נָא אִם נָא מָצָאתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ וְלָקַחְתָּ מִנְחָתִי מִיָּדִי כִּי עַל כֵּן רָאִיתִי פָנֶיךָ כִּרְאֹת פְּנֵי אֱלֹהִים וַתִּרְצֵנִי” — “And Yaakov said: Please, if now I have found favor in your eyes, then take my gift from my hand, for therefore I have seen your face as one sees the face of God, and you have received me favorably.”
Simply understood, Yaakov’s intention was to praise Esav his brother, that he is as important as an angel of Hashem, and this in order that he not kill him. So Rashi explains: “It is fitting and proper for you to accept my gift, because I have seen your face, and it is as important to me as the vision of the face of the angel, for I saw your ministering angel.”

Now, one of the transgressions for which the Torah severely emphasized the punishment is flattery of the wicked. As written in Sefer HaYereim (mitzvah 55): “Our Creator commanded in the section ‘Eleh masei’, ‘And you shall not flatter the land (ve-lo tachanifu et ha-aretz)’, and the Sifrei teaches that this is a warning to the flatterers, etc. And a person must beware of flattery, for its punishment is great. For said Rav: any congregation in which there is flattery, in the end goes into exile, etc. And one who flatters is called one who defiles the land, and transgresses ‘you shall not flatter’ and ‘you shall not defile’, and he causes the Shekhina to depart from Israel.” End quote.

And the most severe aspect of flattery is to affirm his wickedness and say that he is a tzaddik, as Rabbeinu Yonah writes (Shaarei Teshuva, gate 3, sec. 187), explaining who are the flatterers of whom it is said “they do not merit to receive the Divine Presence.” He explains that there are nine aspects, and the first, the most severe, is: “The flatterer who has recognized or seen or known that there is injustice in the hand of his fellow, or that he holds onto deceit, or that a man sins with lashon hara or with hurtful words, and he smooths his tongue for him, saying: ‘You have done no wrong.’” If so, how was it permitted for Yaakov to flatter the wicked Esav?

However, Tosafot (Sotah 41b, s.v. «kol hamechanef») write that the prohibition of flattery applies only where there is no danger, but in a case of danger it is permitted to flatter a wicked person so that he not harm him. They prove this from the story brought in the Gemara (Nedarim 22a) about the Amora Ulla, who was traveling to Eretz Yisrael, and two men accompanied him. On the way, one of them murdered the other. The murderer asked Ulla: “Did I do well?” and Ulla answered him: “Yes, go and cut his throat completely.” When Ulla arrived in Eretz Yisrael, he asked Rabbi Yochanan whether he had acted correctly in agreeing with that murderer, and Rabbi Yochanan answered him: “You saved your life.”

According to this, it is understood why it was permitted for our forefather Yaakov to praise Esav with flattering words, in order to save his life. 

Yet we must be puzzled in the opposite direction: what was Tosafot’s doubt as to whether one may flatter a wicked person in a case of danger, when all the prohibitions of the Torah (aside from the three cardinal sins) are overridden by pikuach nefesh — saving a life?

Several explanations have been given to this question; we will mention some of them:

A. In the sefer Birkat Avraham (Erlanger, Nedarim 22a) he writes that in truth, where there is only a possible danger, a person is forbidden to flatter a wicked person, as Rabbeinu Yonah writes (Shaarei Teshuva, gate 3, sec. 188): a person is obligated to expose himself to danger rather than bring upon his soul such a grievous sin. Therefore Tosafot needed to introduce a novelty: the prohibition applies only in a case of possible danger, but in a clear and proven mortal danger, such as Ulla faced with that man who had already shown himself to be a murderer, in that case it is permitted to flatter him. 
According to this explanation, Yaakov understood that the danger posed by Esav was clear and proven, and therefore he was permitted to flatter him.

B. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Shut Igrot Moshe, Orach Chaim vol. 2, siman 51) explains that there are two types of flattery. One is to tell a wicked person that his actions are in accordance with the law; this is forbidden even in a situation of definite mortal danger, because in doing so one is effectively denying the Torah. But when he does not distort the Torah, and merely strengthens the hands of the wicked, supports him, then in a situation of danger it is permitted to flatter. This aspect, he says, Tosafot derive from the story of Ulla, who told the murderer, “You did well.”

According to this explanation, the reason it was permitted for Yaakov to flatter Esav is that he did not validate Esav’s deeds as being in accordance with the law, but merely praised him and said that he is as important as an angel.

C. A novel explanation was given by Yosef Shalom Elyashiv zatzal (Kovetz He’arot al ha-Torah). In truth, it is simple that one may transgress almost any prohibition in the Torah in order to be saved from mortal danger. But with regard to flattery there might have been room to forbid it for a secondary reason, based on what the Gemara states (Sotah 41b): “Whoever flatters his fellow will ultimately fall into his hand.” From the Gemara it appears that this is a nature engraved in creation: the flatterer ultimately falls into the hand of the one whom he flatters. If so, one might have said that there should be no allowance to flatter a wicked person even in a situation of danger, for his flattery will not help him to be saved; on the contrary, it will be the very cause of his falling into the hands of the wicked. Therefore Tosafot had to prove that one may flatter in a case of danger, and since this is “permitted flattery,” it is no longer included in the statement “in the end he falls into his hand,” and it can indeed be effective in saving him.

This wonderful principle — that one who flatters and submits himself to another person thereby gives him power to harm him — can be seen from the following story, related by the Gaon Rabbi Yekutiel Yehuda Halberstam zatzal, the Rebbe of Sanz–Klausenburg:

Once a group of young, empty and wild non-Jews came to our town and struck terror into the townspeople by their savage behavior. They screamed loudly, smashed windows and damaged people and property that happened to be in their way. All the inhabitants of the town remained locked in their homes all day in great fear. That night a wedding was to take place in the town, and I was supposed to serve there as mesader kiddushin (conducting the betrothal). They came and told me that the holy Rav of Naszód zatzal had arrived and was waiting for me. When I came to him, I was surprised to see no sign of worry or fear on him at all. We spoke, and in the course of the conversation the Rav of Naszód remembered that he had not yet recited Kiddush Levana. He gathered a minyan, went outside, and stood in the middle of the street, not far from where the band of rioters was sitting. He recited the blessing over the moon calmly and pleasantly, and afterwards he instructed the worshipers to sing “Tovim Me’orot,” as was the custom in their community. 

Afterwards we went to the chuppah, which was held in a house adjacent to the place where those wicked men were sitting. The escorts of the groom began to walk quickly out of fear, but the Rav of Naszód rebuked them, saying that one may not run with a groom, who is likened to a king, and he continued on his way unhurriedly and serenely. “When I saw this,” relates the Rav of Klausenburg, “I understood what true bitachon in Hashem and genuine faith are.”

And the Rav added an explanation: this is what our Sages said (Orchot Tzaddikim, Gate of Flattery, based on the Gemara Sotah 41b): “Whoever flatters a wicked person falls into his hand.” Since the flatterer attributes power to the wicked person and believes that he has the ability to harm, this itself grants him power to rule over him. But a person who conducts himself with trust in Hashem, with clear awareness that the wicked are emptiness and vanity and that sovereignty belongs only to Hashem, such a person the wicked cannot harm. (Based on Shefa Chaim, Torah and Festivals).